May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
