he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
