i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
