I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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