It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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