I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
