i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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