I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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