Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its not stalking. its research.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
