She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
