let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
