well I can't set my house on fire every night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
