Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
