so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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