We're facebook friends in real life
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
