Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
