Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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