I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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