So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
