You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
