Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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