just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
