i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
