Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
