It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
