I want to make a zoo with you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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