left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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