My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
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