Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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