Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
