I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
