Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
