STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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