I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
