If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
