; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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