I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
