We're facebook friends in real life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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