I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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