i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
