I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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