I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
