I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
