Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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