he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
