We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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