I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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