You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
