cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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