I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
