i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
