i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
