If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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