Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
