Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
