She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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