Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
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I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You can't just leave with hair like that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.