i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
