Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
