I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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