this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
