$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
