I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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