I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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