I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.