he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10