I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth