just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick