Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

he's my edward cullen

(770): View more from Georgia

I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.

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(206): View more from Washington

i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.

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(716): View more from New York

After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(925): View more from California

Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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(812): View more from Indiana

There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with

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(813): View more from Florida

oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10

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