Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?