If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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