i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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