Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
