There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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