isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
