I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
