she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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