First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize