he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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