corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
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therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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