I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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