Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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