You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
