Your face is a jimmy john
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
