Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
