maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
