Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
