Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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