Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
