Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
