Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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