hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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