Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
