Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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