literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
